I know what it’s like to not be able to remember my last shower, but my children are lovingly bathed several times a week, hair brushed and wearing matching clothing. I’m wearing yoga pants with holes in them because every pair of pants I own have been snagged on the lid of the metal garbage can.
I know what it’s like to dream up a colourful life for my children, implement it, and spend every day wondering if I’m just messing them up.
I know what it’s like to still feel like a child, despite being a grown up, in charge of raising four beautiful kids.
I know what it’s like to give my heart and soul to these magical beings who love me, but don’t comprehend how incredible their little lives are, so I spend the majority of my mothering feeling unappreciated.
I know the struggle of trying to balance feeding their fires without letting my own extinguish.
I know what it’s like to hear the tiny voice inside of me say “I’m still here”. In fact, occasionally, through flues that pass through 6 people, and sleepless nights with new baby teeth, that tiny voices grows. She stores up her reminders and comes out as a ferocious lion. Sometimes she spills out, like a hot July fire. She burns through me and then moves towards my children, quicker than I can extinguish her.
I know what it’s like to humbly apologize to small faces, unsure if it’s enough.
I know what you meant when you said I’d know when I got older and had children of my own.
Children who teach me about patience, everyday…
They’ve taught me lessons of kindness and self-sacrifice. They’ve taught me about generosity (you can have my last m&m mama), confidence (yes, you can do it!), and the importance of knowing the difference between equal and fair (not the same thing!).
And then there is the most difficult lesson…the lesson of self-love. If I want it so badly for them, I must model it, myself.
Frequently, I’ll catch myself uttering the words I heard you say many times while we were growing up, together…..I’m still learning.
Happy Mother’s Day
xo
MamaBear]]>
