Yesterday I anxiety- cleaned
My teenager pointed out that this is the thing I do.
I moved couches. I swept under things. I sorted and organized.
And then I made donuts.
here’s a photo of a taco…
Apparently I’m attempting to control the only things I can (turns out I cant control my donuts, since they’re more like dry sugar biscuits!)
This is not our usual life, and Im having a hard time getting back to it. If schooled children can have a break, then so can we!
We did hop onto the math program which is being offered to Ontario students. Ezra, who is 7, enjoyed it, and Im still waiting on our 10-year-old’s opinion. I took a gander at the other offerings up on the website to encourage learning at home. I thought it was rather interesting how suddenly, the average homeschooler’s learning methods, which are frequently scoffed at by many in the school board, are now being offered as education while kids are at home. Maybe we didn’t have it all wrong after all? Perhaps it’s just intimidating to be faced with something we’re unsure of…
It seems fear looks different depending who is wearing it, making it hard to recognize. Other people’s fear-responses can easily hurt our feelings when we don’t understand the many ways it shows up. Some are dismissive when they’re scared ( this whole thing is going to blow over), some are angry ( IT’S JUST A FLU DAMNIT!), some place blame ( “Chinese Virus”), some distance themselves (I just don’t want to hear about it anymore!), some react with hostility (I’ve seen too many mean comments to choose just one).
They say fear comes from something we just don’t understand…the unknown.
That’s where my anxiety comes from right now. We have no idea how this is going to play out! How long will we be forced to stay home? How many of us will get sick? What will it feel like? Will we be safe? Will help be available to us? How bad will this get?
The outcome is simply something we can’t control. No matter how much fear absorbs us.
So for now, Im focusing on things I can control.
I can control the ambience of our home, the food we eat (for the most part), the news we take in, the games we play (mostly Uno).
I can control the angle of the couch and the dust bunnies living beneath it.
I can control the time I go to bed and how frequently I wash my hands.
I simply cannot control what goes on outside our door, the actions and thoughts of others..even my family members,
and sadly, I can’t control the tiny microbes of yeast and their inability to rise in my sourdough donuts.
What the heck is this anyways…
Asking myself, what do I have control over?