Lately I’ve been digging my heels in. Time is flying by, so much quicker than I can believe. I’m finding myself understanding why so many moms have told me time and time again that ‘it goes so fast’ (I’ve written my feelings about that here). I’ll try my hardest not to repeat those dreaded words to any other mother in the trenches…cringe.
The truth is, the age of raising babies is a blur, and although it’s painfully drawn out at times, it seems that Earth Mother is a genius creator in that she makes damn sure we’ll forget the painful drivel we’ve endured while raising those small beings, or else humans would never knowingly conceive more than once.
Here I am, in my own post-baby making life. Each morning, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I find that I’m looking less and less like the me I once had time to reflect upon, back when I had a make-up regime and spent more time than I’d like to admit, looking in the mirror. Now I struggle to find time for self-reflection of my inner workings, though I’m working on it…
Each day, I’m reminded that shortly, this streak of gray will stretch across from temple to temple and I will be a woman who has gray hair ( like, officially, on my license). Sure, I could just dye it, but I rather enjoy the wisdom it brings me, most days. It’s just, alarming at times, and I find myself wondering, how did this happen already?
You see, nostalgia is quite literally pain, distilled and bottled for a later date, so I’m making a point of passing up the indulgence. It’s painful to look at where I’ve been sometimes, to know I could have done it differently, to know I could have loved it more, to know how fleeting it really was. Longing for something doesn’t bring it back.
So right now, I look to today, to the time spent with three kids in our pond, to banana nice cream enjoyed with chocolate chips, to chats of summer adventure waiting to be savoured, and to my partner who is my built-in personal floatation device in times of personal woe.
When I ease up on the breaks or let off on the gas, it’s much easier to enjoy the view from here, right now.